


It may take time

by Achernav



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Followed by a lot of other kisses, Jon is a sap, Love Confession, M/M, On the road to Scotland, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), light angst spiral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29724570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achernav/pseuds/Achernav
Summary: "Jon wished he could grab Martin's hand and tell him that everything was going to be okay. That he won't ever need to be alone anymore. That he was there for him and would do anything in his power to make him feel safe and loved. But Martin was still hunched on his seat, looking away, and Jon kept both his hands on the wheel and said none of it."After getting out of the fog, Jon drives both himself and Martin to Daisy's safehouse in Scotland. But it appears that nine months of Lonely influence don't go away that easily.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 18
Kudos: 123





	It may take time

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to my friend @Alaiis that isn't even in TMA fandom but still indulge my overwhelming love for the series and agreed to beta me on that one, allowing me to give her another lecture on JonMartin and their relationship.

Jon barely looked at Martin since they left the Lonely. The Archives weren't safe for them anymore. They needed to leave. Fast. 

The good thing about living where you work is that grabbing everything you need to run far away doesn't take too much time. Toss everything you own in a box, grab your coat, pick the keys of the interim-boss you just annihilated and you're on the roads. 

Getting out of London was stressful. Jon took turns after turns to make sure no one was following them. Feeding on Peter left him both hyperaware and hyper-paranoid of his surroundings. Everyone in the streets could be a Hunter, or a Not-them, or any of the hundreds of other monsters that could want them dead right now and Jon was checking on all of them. He only appeared to breathe once they reached the countryside, far away from London and the thousands of thoughts and facts ringing in his head.

Jon made the conscious effort of taking a deep breath and unclenching his jaw before he turned his head to Martin sitting next to him. His forehead was pressed over the window, watching in the distance.

"We're heading north, toward an old safehouse Daisy had in Scotland." Martin barely hummed an acknowledgement. "It's at the top of a hill next to a small village, it's going to be nice." Jon tried to put a cheerful tone in his voice but it didn't manage to put a smile on Martin's face. Jon sighed deeply. Martin was safe, they both were. This is all that mattered for now. 

-

Jon made sure to stay on the small roads, avoiding the big highway where it would be more difficult to keep everything and everyone in check. Most of the time, nothing but the rowing on their own car was to be heard. Jon stared at Martin for long minutes at times, wishing he could grab his hand and tell him that everything was going to be okay. That he won't ever need to be alone anymore. That he was there for him and would do anything in his power to make him feel safe and loved. But Martin was still hunched on his seat, looking away, and Jon kept both his hands on the wheel and said none of it.

-

The road was long and monotonous. From time to time, Jon tried to give a little chat, pointing at a cool looking building in the distance, or a herd of sheep. After several fruitless attempts only met with cold silences, he resigned himself to keep quiet and wait it out.

-

The uneasy silence was finally disturbed by the distinctive _beep_ of the car being low on gas. "We're going to stop in a small station a few miles from here. You should take advantage of it to go out of the car and stretch a bit, we still have a long way to go." Jon announced without meeting an answer.

While Jon was busy trying to figure out which kind of fuel he should put in this car he didn't own, Martin stepped out of the car and walked resolutely towards the small station's shop. Jon did his best to hold back a panic attack when he disappeared out of his sight into the building. Martin isn't going to vanish, he's probably just going to pee or something. It is a logical thing to do, they've been driving for a few hours already. And clearly, a shop isn't the best place to disappear without being noticed. No reason to be anxious, lavatory it was. Maybe he should drop by there too before they went on. As he said, they still had a long way to go.

Thankfully, Martin came out only a few minutes later with two sandwiches and a water bottle in his hands. Yeah. Food. That made sense. 

"I bought you one too. Figured you would forget to eat otherwise." Jon took the tuna sandwich Martin was handing him, on the verge of tears upon hearing his voice for the first time since the fog disappeared. "I ought to bring us tea but they only had an automatic coffee machine and there is no way I'm drinking any tea coming out of this." Martin started to chew grumpily at first but made a weak smile when he met Jon's eyes. There was no sight in the world more beautiful.

-

"How you're feeling?" Jon asked quietly once they both finished their snack.

Martin looked dazed at first, like he didn't understand who the question was for, before clearing his throat. "I-I don't really know. I _am_ here. I mean, I'm nowhere else. And I know I'm glad to be here. I have to, right? But I - The thing is that -" he let go a frustrated sigh. "It's like when you just got up, but you're still not perfectly awake yet. I'm here, experiencing the world, but everything feels… foggy. But not the same kind of foggy, just… unfocused. Like everything is blurred. And I'm watching from the distance, but clinging to reality at the same time. Desperately wanting to finally wake up. Does that make sense?"

"To be honest, it's the thing that makes the most sense out of everything that happened to us in the last three years." Martin let go a small huff at the joke and Jon was released of some of the tension he was holding since London. It will maybe take some time, but they're going to be alright. "We should go on now if it's okay for you." Martin nodded and proceeded to walk toward the car. Jon wanted to reach out, to squeeze Martin's shoulder in a simple contact of reassurance, but he clenched his fist in a desperate attempt not to do that. Letting Martin _wake up_ at his own pace was appearing to be working for now and Jon didn't want to take the risk of sending him back in his shell. 

-

The drive was still quiet, but the silence was less tense. Martin seemed more alive compared to the empty shell he looked like earlier. He was still looking through the window, but Jon could see his eyes follow the scenery passing by. Overall, he looked more serene and relaxed than he used to. He made a snarky smile when he threw a glance in Jon's direction.

"I know that you _Know_ the road but I think you should still at least be looking through the windscreen every once in a while. Just in case." Jon fidgeted uncomfortably while replacing himself towards the road. He didn't even notice how much he was staring.

"I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you."

"It's okay, I understand. I'm clearly not the best company right now." Jon dared to sneak a peek at his co-driver only to find a self-deprecating smile. 

"Is there anything I can do to - I don't know - make it easier for you?"

"No, not really. I'm alright, I was just th- Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"In the archives, when I was - Every time you came and tried to talk to me, I snapped back at you. Because I always thought you had other intentions, you couldn't just want to spend time with me that bad. But the more I think back, the more I wonder: how much was it the Lonely messing with my head? Did you _really_ intend to gouge your eyes out just to run away with me?"

"It wasn't _just_ for that, there was Lukas, and the Beholding and-"

"Jon, that's not what I'm asking about."

"But yeah. I meant it. Of course, you had a point and I probably wouldn't have been physically able to do it myself and I'm not sure I would have survived the loss anyway. But I burst into your office before taking the time to think about that. And I _really_ wanted to run away with you. However stupid a move that was."

"So you didn't ask me for the sole purpose of making the decision mine without having to call that choice yourself."

"Of course not."

"Well, I'm sorry for acting so roughly on you then." Jon could hear the remorse in his voice.

"You don't have to apologize. I was being stupid and didn't think that through. You had your own problems at the time and I shouldn't have put you in this position anyway. I should have known you weren't in any place to follow me on that one but I - didn't think. At all."

They drove a few minutes in silence while Martin was coming to terms with the new information.

"What about the time when you ambushed me?"

"What t- oh _._ I didn't _ambush_ you!"

"You were hiding in the dark corner of a room you _Knew_ I was coming to in order to take me by surprise so I couldn't avoid you. Call that whatever you want, but I call that an ambush."

"I wasn't- Fair. What about it?"

"From what I remember, you came to me in a desperate attempt at human connection because no one else was willing to talk to you."

"Harsh. But I see where it's coming from. It clearly wasn't the best approach. And I guess you're right. Maybe if I had more moral support it would have been easier to manage your absence. But I want you to know that I wanted to talk to _you_ specifically. Not just someone. I- You got to put yourself in my shoes. I walked to the Unknowing with unresolved feelings I didn't want to think about - because it could have been the end of the world the literal next day - but that I promised myself to consider if we both made it out alive. The next day, I wake up in a hospital bed with everyone I care about either dead or hating me. And you're nowhere to be found."

"It wasn't the next day! You were dead Jon! For six months!"

"I wasn't dead, I was in a coma."

"You had no vitals! No heartbeat, no breath, nothing. I mourned you!"

"I know! But I didn't! That's what I'm trying to say! I woke up in the same state, feeling wise, as I was in six months earlier. And the only person that used to be stable in my life was avoiding me. So yeah, I came to you talking about how lonely I was with you out of my life. Maybe it wasn't a good shot but it seemed better to me than falling to my knees and begging you to come back to me because I loved you so damn much and missed you just the same!"

"Oh."

 _Oh._ Jon felt the burn rising from his cheeks all over his face. He had been caught up in the moment and didn't intend to say that much.

"I'm sorry Martin, I didn't want to-"

"No Jon, please. Just. Don't say anything anymore. It's okay, I- Need a moment. It's a bit much. I need- Yeah. Just leave me alone. For a few minutes."

"Okay. I'm right here. If you need me. To talk or- _oh shut up._ " Jon muttered to himself more than anything. Martin was turned back to the window, away from Jon. So much for not pushing him back into his shell. And Jon was left calling himself a moron in silence.

-

Martin's sleeping breath was calm and steady. Reassuring. He passed out as the sun was setting down over the horizon. Jon had a hard time securing the wheel with his knee while grabbing his coat lying in the back seat to cover the man resting next to him. The night was cold and Lukas' car didn't seem to have a functioning heater for some unknown reason. But it was worth the effort, if Martin's peaceful face was anything to judge by. A rough bump on the road Jon didn't manage to avoid finally took the best of it.

"Hey," Martin said in a sleepy voice.

"Hey," Jon responded with a tender smile.

"Did I sleep long?" Martin was lazily rubbing his eyes in an attempt to drive the drowsiness out of them which left Jon no choice but to smile at him fondly. What he would have done to be able to cup his cheek and drop a gentle kiss on his sleepy head right now. 

"Not long enough. We still have a few hours left until we reach our destination." That seemed to wake Martin up.

"How long did you drive for since our last break?" Martin's tone was concerned.

"I don't really know, I didn't watch the time. But I won't fall asleep while driving if that's what you're scared about."

"One thing is sure, it's that the sun was still high. And now it's down. That's not healthy Jon. You should stop, get a coffee, or stretch a bit at least."

"Martin, really, I'm okay. Archivist powers help me focus on the road. I'm alright, I don't need a break!"

"Jon, please!" When Jon looked at Martin, he saw the concerned eyes he knew so well. The one Martin gave him when he used to stay too late in the archives, or skipped lunch. Every time Martin tried to care for him but he was too stubborn to listen. He didn't realise how much he missed that look but as soon as he did, he didn't have the will in his heart to fight back. Even if he didn't see the purpose of doing it for himself, he could do it for Martin.

"Alright. But do you really need me to take that coffee or can I just park on the side of the road?"

\- 

A compromise was reached by stopping on the dark verge of a small road. Martin and Jon were both standing just outside the vehicle. And the night was freezingly cold. Jon was trampling in an attempt to warm himself up and subconsciously moved closer to the only other person emitting heat in the area. Martin took a wide step aside, away from him. He stayed silent, but the intention was clear. Jon curled up and let himself fall to the ground against the side of the car, letting go of a resigned sigh. 

"It's really not against you." Martin began but Jon dismissed him with a wave of the hand. 

"It's alright, no need to bother about me."

"But I do! It's just that I could begin to feel your body-heat and that made my brain go 'aaaaaah'." Martin was shaking his hands beside his head, imitating a somewhat frightened scream. Jon looked up with an interrogating expression. Martin let a deep sigh out and sat beside the car, a good meter away from Jon.

"It's kind of hard to explain. It's like if it was too big an input for my brain, that can't sort everything out and is about to crash, but I don't want my brain to crash so I ring the emergency alarm that ends up with me taking a step aside."

"Okay, I suppose I can understand that."

A small silence fell between them.

"Can you keep talking to me though? Hearing your voice, I like it. It helps."

" 'Course! What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, anything. Something light."

Jon looked around him searching for inspiration and stopped when his eyes met the sky.

"The stars are beautiful. We see them so much better here than in London. I can't place any constellation outside of Ursa Major, however."

"Can't you _Know_ that? With your spooky Eyes powers."

Jon threw a murdery look at Martin at the use of the word. Thankfully, it only managed to steal a cheery laugh out of him.

"I guess I could, but I noticed that using the Eye made me hungry faster and even if feeding on an avatar appears to be quite nutritious, I've been playing the human-GPS since we left and can't really afford to waste any more of it."

"Sorry, I didn't know about that." Martin was frowning back and Jon didn't want that.

"What I _can_ talk about is some of the mythical stories behind our constellations. Would you like to hear about them?" Martin's bright smile made Jon's heart flutter in his chest.

"I'd love to!"

-

The conversation continued back on the roads with Jon giving a lecture about the difference between Greek and Roman mythologies.

"They're not just copy-pasted! Roman had gods long before they began to melt them with the Greek ones. Except for Mercury and Hermes. They did nothing more than put a new name on that one. Anyway, that's why the Roman Empire stayed so strong for that long! When they colonized other lands, they didn't rob people of their culture to put down their own, they merged with them, giving new functions to deities, splitting some, or combining others. Most of Roman deities radically changed since the first writing we have about them and the later ones. Same goes for language. The Latin spoken in Rome had nothing to do with the one talked in South England. I'm not saying everything was perfect and people were happy to be colonized but you have to admit that from a cultural perspective- Do I bore you?" 

If he was definitely involved and asking questions back when they were talking about Arcas and Callisto, Martin was now completely zoned out. Eyes blank and staring straight ahead. He had to blink multiple times before noticing Jon's teasing smile.

"Sorry, what were you saying? I wasn't listening."

"Yeah, I noticed that." Jon acknowledged in a laugh.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm back on track, focused!"

"Or we can stop talking for now and you can rest."

"No! It's important! I have to!"

"I told you already, I'm not going to fall asleep, you don't need to keep me company."

"It's not that, it's- Really, I like listening to you, but it's hard! I spent nine months barely addressing anyone so hearing you talk, and talk, and talk, it's-"

"A bit much?"

"Basically yes. But I want it to be normal again. I really want to."

Jon turned his head to the left to see Martin's hand fiddling with the bottom of his sweatshirt. He squeezed the wheel a bit tighter to refrain himself to cover them with his.

"Martin, don't be so harsh on yourself. It's not even been a day. You don't have to be there yet. We have all the time in the world. And not even one apocalypse planned anytime soon." The bad joke made Martin chuckle. "See? You're already far better than this morning. Give yourself some time." Martin's smile was small but resigned.

"You're sure you don't mind?"

"Sure, roll over and try to sleep. I'll wake you up when we arrive."

After one last tired smile, Martin pulled his hood over his head and wriggled into a comfortable place, facing the window. When he finally found one, he let out a relieved sigh that only comforted Jon in his decision.

-

Jon didn't know if Martin had finally fallen asleep or not, but one thing he was sure of is that he was quiet for all that was left of the trip. He only raised his head, a bit confused, when Jon parked at the end of a small pathway. He pointed at the dark shadow of a small cabin against the night sky.

"Here we are! A lost cabin at the top of a hill, ready to be called home!" Jon tried to sound as jovial as he could regarding the exhausting journey they just had. Now that he wasn't focused on the road anymore, he could feel the tiredness fall on his shoulders.

Thankfully, Daisy's cabin was ready to use. Old sheets were dropped on every surface preventing them from gathering too much dust. They even managed to start a fire thanks to the log left beside the fireplace. Well, Martin managed, because Jon didn't even succeed in guessing which one of the metal bars was the poker. Thankfully, the other man was too tired to make fun of him more than light teasing. They eventually ended up both in the frame of the bedroom door. Jon spoke before Martin had the time to open his mouth.

"I'll take the sofa for tonight and we'll chat tomorrow to see if you're able to share personal space that much. I don't even want to hear the beginning of an apology." He added upon seeing Martin's outraged look.

"You could at least let me take it. I'm the one with unclear personal boundaries, there is no reason for it to prevent _you_ from sleeping in a real bed." He muttered, arms crossed.

"Don't be stupid, I'm smaller than you, it's the reasonable choice to make. And I've been sleeping on a camp bed in the archives for months now. I really won't mind. And if this situation persists, we can always decide to take turns."

Martin was now staring at his feet, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable.

"You're gonna be okay? I'm just next door. If you ever need anything, just shout, right?" Martin replied with a smile that was willing to be reassuring but didn't say a word. Jon fought back the need to hold him in his arms in order to comfort them both and turned heels towards the living room.

-

Jon should have been asleep right now. He should have been exhausted and fallen unconscious as soon as his lids closed. But here he was, wide awake, shifting position every five seconds, trying his best not to think. Not to think about the last three years, not to think about the last day, not to think about the uncertain future, not to think about who's sleeping in the next room. If he's sleeping. If he's still there. Jon stared really hard at the ceiling above him. Of course, he's there. He wouldn't just disappear. Would he? Could he? Would he want to if he could? The ceiling was egg white, and the room wasn't lit enough to discern any pattern on it no matter how hard Jon would try. He said he wanted to feel normal again, so he wouldn't vanish on purpose. Is it possible to do it by accident? Without even realizing it? Jon could hear the fireplace crackling behind him. His state went better and better as the day passed, there is no reason to expect such a throwback. Martin was sleeping peacefully in the double-bed next room and all Jon had to do was to close his own eyes and not overthink it. Think about something else. Something harmless. They should go shopping the next day: they're gonna need some provisions. But they'll need to check how much the kitchen was equipped before leaving, he has no idea how much Daisy- Don't think about Daisy losing herself in the Hunt. Don't think about Basira being alone. Don't think about Tim. Don't think about Sasha. Don't think about Elias, don't think about Jonah, don't think about Lukas. _Don't think!_

Don't think about who's sleeping in the next room. 

If he's sleeping. 

If he's still - _fuck it!_ Jon threw the cover over the side with a kick and jumped on his feet. He's just gonna check, listen through the door. Nothing creepy. Just dropping an ear. He would listen and hear Martin's steady and peaceful breathing, he would be reassured, and he could go back to sleep. Or he could take the duvet and the cushion and sleep on the corridor's floor. But that's not what he's going to do. Just drop an ear.

But the breathing Jon heard when he stopped against the crack of the door wasn't steady and peaceful at all. It was shaky. Almost panicked. Wet. It sounded like someone was trying to weep in silence but was failing. It sounded like cries.

"Martin?" Jon pushed the door open quietly and saw Martin's shadow sitting on the bed, face buried in his hands. Jon took a step closer. "Martin, are you-" When the light reflected on Martin's teary cheeks, Jon felt his heart clench so hard it hurt.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." Martin's voice was tightened, pleading, full of all the tears he cried.

"Why didn't you call-" but Jon’s thinking process was short-circuited by the sight of Martin's watery eyes. " _Oh dear._ " Before he knew it, Jon jumped on the bed and pressed the poor man's face against his chest. "It's okay, I'm here, you're not alone. I'm not letting you go." Jon heard he was crying too. "I'm here," he whispered again, allowing his own tears to fall on Martin's hair. Jon had only just begun to form a thought about possible over-stepped boundaries when he was proved wrong by Martin's body melting in his arm as he was shaken by the violent waves of all the cries and worries he was finally letting go. Jon held still, petting his hair and hushing him every now and then, waiting for Martin to calm down.

It was hard to say how long they stayed like that, with Jon kneeling on the bed trying his best to embrace Martin's weeping body, who he was holding close against his chest. But it was long enough for Jon's shirt to be completely soaked with tears and mucus as Martin finally withdrew his head from Jon's grasp with one last snort.

"Feeling any better?" he asked, refusing to let go of his hand on Martin's cheek.

"Kind of. A bit emptied, but in a nice way." Martin took Jon's hand away from his face but kept it in his hand.

"What happened? What left you in such a state?" Jon asked carefully while lightly replacing a strand of hair previously stuck on Martin's forehead.

"Nothing really. I was lying in the bed. It was dark, I was alone, and I began to think."

"I get you on that." Jon tried to light a bit of the tension he was seeing Martin build but he didn't even appear to hear him.

"I was trying to make sense of everything that happened today. I can't believe Jonah _was_ today-"

"Technically, I'm pretty sure we're long past midnight-"

"And then was the Lonely and I wasn't even scared. I've been scared, and worried, and sad for so long I didn't even remember how it was not to feel that way. And I began to feel nothing at all. But I didn't bother. It was easier that way."

"Martin-" Jon tried to press his hand but it slipped as Martin was gathering himself together.

"Then you came and you dragged me out of it. You came for me. You told me what to do, every step, until we were out of danger. And even then. You told me to gather my things, that we were leaving. You told me to follow you. To sit. That you were taking care of everything and that I didn't need to worry. It's funny trying to remember it. Everything is a bit messy, like trying to catch a dream. Next thing I remember, we stopped for gas. I was hungry so I went to fetch some food and I thought 'Did Jon have lunch today?' and I was glad I thought about it so I wanted to bring you tea, because you used to like it when I was bringing you tea, but the tea was bad so I didn't buy it. But you looked happy anyway-"

"I was," Jon responded quietly as he was drinking every of Martin's words with apprehension.

" -and it was nice. Feeling things. After eating, I was better. More me. And we talked. I know you didn't lie. But it's not the same thing to know and to believe. I trust you really, but there is that voice in the back of my head-"

Martin's voice was beginning to break and Jon didn't know what to do.

" -it talks about Sasha. And Tim. About how everyone died and you feel responsible about it. It talks about how you threw yourself in the Buried to rescue Daisy. You didn't even like Daisy. She tried to kill you. So maybe I was just that. Maybe you just couldn't afford to lose me too. Like you lost Sasha and you lost Tim. And you were just making sure I wasn't falling back."

"Martin, no that's not-" Jon grabbed his arm but Martin didn't seem to notice.

"'That would make so much more sense' it says. 'Remember how he used to hate you when you first arrived' it says. I tried to reason it, but it calls me a liar. Tells me that I only look at what I want to see."

"Martin, please, listen to me-" Even the tears now running down his face weren't enough to slow the flow of words coming out of Martin's lips.

"And I keep thinking: maybe I _am_ fooling myself dismissing that voice just because it's mean. Maybe it's right. You knew I was in love with you. Maybe you used it. To anchor me. To give me a reason to stay. I'm sure it wasn't malicious. Maybe you planned to play along for a bit and only release the truth when you would be sure I was safe."

"That's not true!" Jon was holding both of Martin's shoulders, almost shouting to his face, his tears joining Martin's on the sheets.

"Why would you anyway. Maybe Peter was right. I'm just not loveable. Maybe I'm better off alone. Maybe-"

Jon knew he had to stop Martin from talking if we wanted to be heard. And he needed to be heard. If shouting and shaking weren't enough, maybe- Jon looked at Martin's lips, still moving with the words he wasn't listening to anymore, and went for it. He cupped Martin's head with both his hands and dived into a kiss.

Martin's lips were soft and salty. Jon felt him straighten from the shock and stayed still for a second but didn't let go. When he proceeded, Martin let him, following slowly. Surely, it wasn't how any of them would have dreamt. The kiss was wet and clumsy, but it was real and that was more than anything Jon could have wished for. Now that he was sure to have Martin's attention, he drew back just enough so they could see each other’s eyes, Jon's hand still secured in their place.

"I love you, you hear me? I don't care about what anyone else thinks. I love you and there is nothing I'm more sure about. I love you with everything I have left. I love you like my life depends on it. The world is a scary mess but there is nothing more important than you and me, here and now. Because I love you, and I'm going to say it to you until you believe it. And I don't care if I sound dumb or sappy, because it's only true and I'm gonna say it over and over again. I love you, I love you, I love-"

It was Jon's turn to be physically prevented from talking any further as Martin collided his face with his. The kiss was messy, passionate, desperate, alive. Martin felt like he had been walking in the desert for days and Jon was an oasis. Saying that he was happy to oblige would have been an understatement. Martin's fingers were tangled in Jon's hair, pulling them together, but when he broke the kiss to gasp for air it was Jon that chased after him. Everything was clumsy, with noses bumping and teeth colliding but they didn't care. It was true and it was theirs. Both were clinging to the other as if their life depended on it, only parting briefly to catch a breath before diving back into it. At one point, one of Martin's hands let go of its place in Jon's hair to move down his back and hold him even closer to his chest. The sitting was awkward and Jon's back was going to hurt pretty soon but it really didn't matter. Feeling the man he loved against him, cuddling him, kissing him, that was worth all the backache in the world. The kisses began to slow down, be less needy and more gentle until they finally considered they had enough to handle a pause. They were still tangled together, brow against brow, smiling so deeply that their cheeks brushed, when Martin started giggling uncontrollably, Jon following soon after. Nothing else existed outside the two of them. Martin buried his head in the hook of Jon's neck and the cries began to join the chuckles. But this time, they were from happiness and relief. Jon put his head on Martin's shoulder as well and took a deep breath. Martin smelled warm and sweaty. He smelled of safeness, and love, and afternoon tea. He smelled like Martin. Jon closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. He had never felt so happy since- never maybe. And he was determined to appreciate every second of it.

-

The time stopped as they hugged, refusing to move as if it would all fall apart like a house of cards the moment they'd drop it. Unfortunately, the reality in Jon's lower back was beginning to be a bit too sharp to be ignored and he pulled back reluctantly, not without dropping a small kiss on the side of Martin's lips on the way out. His arms were still hooked behind the neck of the man he loved and, from this distance, he could see both the happiness and the tiredness in his eyes.

"What about we go to sleep now?"

"That would be a great idea," Martin responded in a yawn.

Jon barely broke contact for a second as he put a foot on the floor when Martin jumped across the bed in his direction and grasped his wrist firmly. Jon could hear the panic in his voice as he asked : 

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to switch shirts, this one is kinda gross. But don't worry, I'll be right back."

"Oh," Martin sounded relieved "or you can take one of mine, my box is just here."

The fear of letting the other go out of one's sight. Jon could relate.

"You don't know if we packed any tissues by chance?" Martin asked as Jon was pulling his shirt over his head and threw it over him.

"Nope, but you can always use that."

"I'm not gonna blow on your shirt, that's gross."

"Why do you think I'm changing exactly?" Martin's face was considering the shirt with a repulsed expression that made Jon laugh.

"That's disgusting," he concluded, proceeding anyway.

-

The sheets were warm, Martin's jumper was cosy, and Martin himself was within arm's reach. Everything was perfect. So much within arm reach in fact, that Jon's palm was dropped on his cheek, mindlessly fondling his hair.

"You sure that's okay for me to be so close? No risk of brain crash by severe sensory overload? Not judging, just checking."

Martin met Jon's free hand with his and tangled their fingers together.

"All good! Well, some part of me still wants you really far away, but only because it's way harder to make me believe I'm crap, that nobody will ever love me, and _you especially_ hate me in secret when you're looking at me with these eyes. But I consider this tiny part of my brain being mad kind of a good thing."

"Always glad to help." They stared at each other a bit longer, Martin blinking slowly. "What eyes?" Jon finally asked, wiggling a tiny bit closer.

"Hum?"

"How am I looking at you, that you are so sure?"

"It's not so easy to say," Martin's head moved a few centimetres forwards as if to take a closer look. "You look at me like I'm worth being looked at. More than that, like I'm the one best thing you could be looking at in the whole world and you want to register every detail of it."

"Well, that feels like it, yes," Jon responded without any bit of redness in his cheeks.

They stayed here, drinking out of each other's eyes for a few more minutes. They were so close now that they could feel the other's breath on their skin. It was Martin that ended up breaking the silence.

"Can I kiss you again?"

Jon let go of a light laugh, reaching the tiniest bit closer.

"Anytime you want. Please do."

Martin dropped Jon's hand and took the back of his neck instead. The first few kisses were slow and gentle before they began to heat up, rapidly reaching needy and passionate all over again. Being laid down offered a new range of movement freedom they gladly took advantage of, constantly rolling over one another. Hands weren't at rest, making the most out of their newly found freedom, rubbing hairs, necks, shoulders, arms, and backs restlessly. Sometimes there were kisses, sometimes there were happy chuckles, and sometimes both at the same time. Some of them were calm and quiet, savouring the moment, others were bold and loud, stealing a moan out of the other's throat. Overall, they were both a happy mess, having no idea what they were doing, but making the most of it. When they finally stopped, they were cuddled so closely together they practically breathed out of each other's mouths.

"I love you," Jon murmured, right against Martin's lips, so low it was barely audible. 

That was a terrible mistake that valued him to be pinned down to the mattress, enduring another round of ardent kisses that left him breathless. Not that he was complaining.

Martin let his head fall on Jon's chest, clearly drained. "Gosh, I'm exhausted."

Every inch of Jon's body was feeble and high on the all mix of emotions that washed through him in the preceding hours. 

"Sleep?"

"Only if you can manage to stop being so adorable for five damn seconds." Martin tried to sound grumpy but the obviousness of the situation made Jon laugh out loud.

"I'll try," he responded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Just give me a place in your arms and I promise to be good."

Martin raised himself away from Jon's chest in order to allow him to shift into a position he deemed comfortable. "You're already far more than great," he whispered into his ear. 

Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath of Martin's reassuring smell. He didn't even have to remind himself not to think. A few seconds later, they were both deeply asleep, limbs tangled together.

-

The sun was already far up in the sky when Jon opened an eye. For an instant, panic began to rise through him, wondering where on earth he could be since he was sure that no natural light ever managed to make its way in the archives. The reassuring weight of Martin's head on his chest immediately grounded him, reminding him of the events of the past day. It felt like an entire week had happened in only a handful of hours. Jon tilted his head to get a better look at Martin. He was still fast asleep, peaceful, with an open hand flat on Jon's heart. He smiled fondly and started petting his boyfriend's hair. His boyfriend? They were going to have to officialise the term as soon as they could because Jon couldn't wait to be able to call Martin his boyfriend. Eventually, Martin unwillingly came back into consciousness too, shutting his eyes a bit tighter and closing his fist upon the jumper Jon borrowed from him, as if to cling a tiny bit longer to a dream he didn't want to wake up from. Jon peppered his hairline with a few light kisses before stopping right next to his ear.

"Good morning love." 

He could almost feel Martin's smile before he saw his face. It was beaming. However, Jon didn't have the time to examine it properly since Martin descended upon him, dropping a single long kiss on his lips.

"I love you," he whispered as they parted. Jon felt like he would never grow bored with saying these three words.

For what felt like the first time, he looked at Martin's face in the sunlight. He looked at the small acne scars on his forehead, the messiness of his brows, the length of his lashes, the bumpy shape of his nose, the softness of his lips, the few short hairs on his chins, the freckles on his cheeks. Gosh, he would love to find new constellations to name on these freckles. Martin's voice cut him out of his reverie. 

"I think I love you too." Jon felt his heart race in his chest.

"You think?" He asked in a grin, trying to get a word over the emotions overwhelming him.

"Don't push."

Jon cupped one of Martin's cheeks in his hand and looked at him lean on the touch. It may take some time, but they're going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this fic and I hope you enjoyed reading it.
> 
> I'm still quite new to writing fanfictions so if you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to share.
> 
> Anyway, Kudos and Comments would make my day <3


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